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Opinions on my poem? Untitled.?
So, it doesn't have a name and I'm still kinda working on it. But advice and feedback would be great.
The Night
Still and silent
Surrounded us.
We stood shackled,
Sturdy gyves twisted,
Tangled with limbs.
A metal spine
Digging into young flesh.
Fettered and frightened,
We stayed.
A cold cloud
Spread the moon across
The deep black sky,
Mysterious and hopeful.
A drop of rain
Cooling hot pavement,
Rusting away the chains
Which restrained us.
Stretching,
We broke free.
Or voices,
First timid and raspy,
Soon rang out.
Heedless and infinite,
Our strange harmonious laughter
Greeted the night.
We tore through
The Dark's modest shadow
And we danced on slick asphalt
Baring bodies born of rain,
Children once more.
Yeah, sorry. Typo in the third stanza. The first word is supposed to be "our" rather than "or".
That is really good! i wish i could write poetry like this...but it never works out quite right =/ but i would keep it the way it is.
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