Ponytails Hair Piece
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What do you think about this paragragh as a novel opening? Worked hard on it...?
As years passed, it became more difficult for people to find a logical reason for Nicholas Darkeyes’ suspicious acts. His hair was purple and usually tied to the back into a short ponytail. His eyes were blue, changing to hot pink every year in spring. His clothes were always worn dark and scruffy; it looked as though he wore them for weeks.
There is another sentence I would write, but not done yet. How do you like it so far?
I have to agree. It doesn't work at all. The first sentence and the rest of the paragraph do not compute. They have nothing whatsoever to do with each other. Is tying your hair in a ponytail or wearing dark clothes suspicious? Is the color of his eyes changing something he can control or does it just happen? If it does, it cannot be considered an "act" because he isn't actually doing it. Also, the word "act" itself doesn't fit. To me, the connotation is something lewd - like a sex "act" or performances - like a street performer. I think the word you really want is actions. And the last sentence should really be two sentences without the semicolon and you should avoid using the word "worn" twice. You need to decide whether your opening paragraph is going to be about 1)How the neighbors feel about his actions or 2) What he looks like. They don't both belong in the same paragraph. As it is now, the first sentence makes me mildly curious, but the sentence that follows turns me right off. Hope that helps. Pax - C
Teased, Low Ponytail Hair Tutorial
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